Tuesday, October 13, 2009

What part of "THIS ISN'T A REAL NOBEL PEACE PRIZE" don't you understand?

Several days ago I decided to make a fake eBay auction for the 1994 Nobel Peace Prize, that was awarded to Arafat. I posed as his nephew, saying I found it in his attic, etc...Anyways, here's the description on the item:

"Early Friday morning, President Barack Obama was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize "for his extraordinary efforts to strengthen international diplomacy and cooperation between peoples.”
Shocked, I thought to myself, "Huh - I thought you had to do something to win one of those." I was especially confused to learn that he was nominated in February 2009, only one month after he took office aka before his Nobel Peace Prize-deserving intentions.
Baffled, I turned to something I could trust - THE NEW YORK TIMES! I read on and it turns out, the Nobel Peace Prize Committee AND the New York Times couldn't name anything specific he's done. Still just intentions. Well, I'm not going to toot my own horn here, but my uncle won a Nobel Peace Prize once. Yep - it was 1994. He was trying to "make peace in the Middle East" too. He was a "freedom fighter" and killed in the name of Peace. His intentions were good, so he was awarded a Nobel. It's been sitting in his attic since then.

Since 1994, I've been pondering what the actual value of one of these things is since it seems they are just given out to anybody so I dusted it off and decided to throw it up on eBay. Happy bidding! I doubt after this morning's ceremony this thing will go for more than maybe $5 US. Happy bidding! I'll even make no reserve and free shipping!"

I added some fun pictures in there too, and then at the bottom, it says this:

"**Whoever wins, I will send in the mail a gold-colored foil-wrapped chocolate coin with a picture of Obama's face taped to it - free shipping. Hooray for sweets!"

Now, since posting that on Friday, the listing has gotten 1,247 hits and is currently at 23 bids/$31. A lot of the e-mails and messages I received were people joking right back or setting me up for a joke. For example, "I understand that Obama has just been awarded Hockey's most prestigious prize, the Stanley cup. Could you help me sell my old Stanley cup on ebay. Thanks Bobby Orr." And I replied, "Certainly - at least your item still holds its value!"

Shit like that. Anyway, one dumbass (who remains to be the high bidder) sends me a question saying, "Is this a genuine nobel prize awarded to your uncle? If genuine, will you send the presentation case and any related documents. Not sure a 1 inch nobel prize is the real thing???" And we'll just call him "John." Feeling like I truly deceived someone (who apparently can't read a full description), I sent him an e-mail back, explaining myself.

"No, no it is a JOKE! Read the bottom of the description, to the winner, I will send a chocolate gold-colored foil-wrapped "coin" with a picture of Obama's face on it. But if someone wins this bid, yeah - I'll give it to you AND you'd be helping me out massively with some small debts I owe. Win-win!"

Maybe that does come off as, "if you win this bid, I'm going to take your money and run, muahahaha!" Anyways, I get one back.

"Sounds like a scam to me. Cancel my bid or I'll file a complaint with ebay. The "joke" is on you; I don't like getting scammed. Bid retracted."


"Actually, the joke is on you because you think you can find a Nobel Peace Prize on eBay. It's on you AGAIN because the PayPal e-mail address with this is fake. Did you bother to read any of the stuff at the bottom that I've been saying about how it's all a joke?"

Then he replied with TWO messages, establishing his dominance and definitely validating the fact that he is a moron.

"You're in a world of trouble for playing this hoax. You are costing people money for your game. My pay pal account email is jwaynemcgirk@yahoo.com and user name arcticdog76. See if you can send the money there to avoid further embarrassment. Please do not make this kind of listing when you show an actual nobel peace prize and the winners picture. You try to make a joke; why bother fooling people looking for genuine items. Cease and desist."

Hmm. He sends me his PayPal e-mail address. The bid's not even over. No money's been sent. He's just the highest bidder at this point. I suppose he's assuming he wins. I wonder if he put a $10,000 max bid or something, thinking he's finally struck it rich on eBay! Boy howdy! Anyways, anyone with the last name McGirk I wouldn't expect to be too bright anyway. Probably comes from a long line of McGirks who were also dumbasses. And it doesn't feel like I'm in a world of trouble. This asshole sounds like my mom. When I was 7. Then he sent me another e-mail.

"I see you are very new to ebay. Please stop deceiving people and honestly list items you wish to sell. I am surprised with your 100% rating. Some people must want to be fooled."

It is my genuine eBay account, and I have a 100% rating because I rule. I think the only person that wants to be fooled is my new pal, McGirk here. Anyways, I sent him one last message. Hopefully he stops filling my inbox with threats and ill logic.

"Hey. What part of joke don't you get? I'm not taking anyone's money. Even if I wanted to, I can't because I entered in a fake PayPal address. Unless someone has the PayPal address, "Yassir.Arafat@gmail.com," it won't go through. I have a 100% rating because I use eBay legitimately. So relax. I still don't understand how anyone would actually think a Nobel Peace Prize would be on eBay, let alone run searches for one, but hey who am I to judge. Nobody's taking you're money. Besides, you have to hit "Pay" for that when the bid's over."

So there you have it - morons are still out there on the Internet searching for used Nobel Peace Prizes. Oh, by the way, in case you didn't see the last post on this, these are the photos that accompany a picture of the Nobel Peace Prize. After seeing these and not reading the description, this asshole still thought I was selling a Nobel? Maybe this 2012 shit is gonna hit sooner than predicted and in the form of unconscious Internet-browsing consumer zombies.

Now, would someone with a real Nobel accompany the prize with those photos? I would hope not.

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