Monday, November 2, 2009

House Boat - "The Delaware Octopus" review:

Based outta Elmhurst (NY, not Illinois), comes The Steinways! I mean The Ergs. I mean Dear Landlord. Er-Off With Their Heads. I mean The Steinways! If they all just jerked off on a toilet seat at a rest stop in Indiana and then a woman of particularly low appeal sat on it, the baby would be called House Boat, OK? And it would kinda look like the little feller that graces the cover of its debut album, "The Delaware Octopus."

Before I get too into this whole review process, I've listened to this fuckin' thing over 15 times in the last two days. That doesn't really happen when I review something but goddamnit, this shit is tighter than a nun's snatch. Especially if you like all those dead (but not really?) bands that these guys used to play in.
Grath (Steinways, Barrakuda McMurder) sings lead vocals on most of these short little nuggets of gold.
Surprisingly, Mikey Erg only makes one vocal appearance (that I can discern) on the album during the song "Battlestar Galactica..."

The themes seem to be similar to that of The Steinways'. You know...Grath signing about being fucked up, stoned and pathetic and falling over chicks and shit. Yet, all in a really, really catchy way. Then there's the Ace songs, which were always my favorite of The Steinways' tunes. No offense, Grath or Michelle. Ace sings on "My Guts Have Shit For Brains," which, from what I can tell, is about being fed up with bungholes 10 years younger than him at school. It's also quite possibly the best name for a song I have ever heard. If you've got a heterosexual crush on Ace like I do, he also sings on "30 Going On 13," in which both Grath and he split the vocals (with a little bit of Zack in there). It's a tune about lacking motivation infused with stress, laziness and know...defeat really. But you go with the motions anyways kinda thing cause you have to.

"A Song For Halfpint To Suck On My Balls To" came on and I thought it was a fucking Copyrights tune at first. Well, Zack sings it. But he does that thing Fletcher does where he opens his mouth real big and stretches the vowels. It rules. Then him and Grath share vocals during the chorus. This album ends after 13 catchy songs with a run time of 20:21. I was disappointed that they didn't put "Traffic School" on here. Ace was kind enough to inform me that "Traffic School" is actually a Kirk Hammett (Metallica) cover from some Metallica DVD. I guess he had to go to traffic school, so he went with his guitar and came out with that tune. Perhaps House Boat will release it sometime. It used to be on their MySpace if you have absolutely no fucking clue what I'm talking about. Bottom line is, when It's Alive Records finally releases this, get a copy and have yourself a good old time as you relish in the memories of The Steinways and The Ergs! but are also experiencing something totally new and completely fucking awesome. 5 stars out of 5. I've never done that before. Shit's tight. Here's the artwork. The baby's head was originally supposed to be a Buddha head, but I guess Adam Ali changed it. I'd like to see the original artwork, done by Michelle Shirelle of The Steinways. But the final version is great too.

"The Delaware Octopus"

1. I Watched The Biggest Loser Australia
2. I Work On The 13th Floor
3. Alonelylonelylone
4. Battlestar Galactica Vs. The Pop Punk Message Board Part VI: Grivet Loves Goats
5. My Guts Have Shit For Brains
6. Every Day
7. My Life Hurts
8. Are You Into Metal?
9. 30 Going On 13
10. All Of The Time
11. A Song For Halfpint To Suck On My Balls To
12. Wait, What?
13. Dumbmarket Travesty

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