The Methadones: Cutting the middleman

Costco does it. Furniture warehouses do it. But seldom do bands do it. Cutting out the middleman is risky business, especially when advertising and promotion is left solely to the band.

Chicago’s most well-known pop punk band (still together), The Methadones, have just released its new split with The Copyrights via Transparent Records, a record label thought up and made up by Dan Schafer of The Methadones (vocals/guitar) and Adam Fletcher (vocals/bass) of The Copyrights.

“We looked at three different record labels to put out the record,” said Mike Byrne, guitarist for The Methadones. “I work for a CD/DVD replication company, so Dan and Adam from the Copyrights were talking about a split for a while.”

The Methadones’ last album, “This Won’t Hurt,” was released under Red Scare Records.
One day at work, Fletcher and Schafer were talking and decided, “Man, we ended up working with these record labels that support us and promote us, but they really don’t do anything more than we could do for ourselves,” said Byrne. “So Dan asked me, ‘Well, could we press the record through your work?’”

The last statement The Methadones received from Red Scare said they sold more CDs than album downloads, thus got the ball rolling.
Byrne’s boss ended up giving the band a really cheap price to press 1,000 CDs. With a good deal, a tight fan base and a bit of confidence, The Methadones decided to completely cut out music’s middleman: The record label.

The Methadones are still going to sell its new split through distribution sites such as Interpunk.com, No Idea Records’ online store, iTunes, independent record stores and of course, Methadones shows.
But aside from label issues, the band still has to record its music somewhere, which is the biggest cost of everything.

“We’re recording at Atlas Studios, where Matt Allison recorded the last two records we did. He’s great. He’s the best person I’ve ever recorded with, he’s real easy to work with, real relaxed,” Byrne said.
Allison recorded the early Alkaline Trio albums as well as the Lawrence Arms’ music and most recently, Less Than Jake.
“He gave us a really good deal too; he helped us out a lot,” Byrne said. “Matt Allison definitely made this possible for us. Even though we got a cheap rate at where I work at, pressing 1,000 CDs costs money and Matt was real good with giving us a really good deal.”

After recording and spawning its own label, The Methadones are anxious, but confident to see how the DIY approach turns out.
They figured it would be better to experiment the no record label idea with a split, because if it fails, big deal. You only lose out on six songs and fans of the band are still going to buy it. The only trouble would be getting new fans, the job of record labels and PR associated.

“It’s one thing to experiment with a whole record, because you put so much time into a full-length record and it would suck if we gambled and ended up dropping the ball on our own record,” Byrne said.
Back to Transparent Records. It’s basically just a sticker they used to stamp on the split album so it appears professional, but it’s also its own middleman in a way, in that up and coming bands can use the Transparent Records logo to get their foot in the door, so to speak.

“Say you had a band and you wanted your record out. You could just use Transparent Records logo, stamp it on the CD and you’ll get paid for everything,” Byrne said. “Hopefully it’ll get out there and more bands can use it.”
Being that the split just came out, if everything goes well, The Methadones are already considering using the same idea to release its next full-length album. If not, Byrne stated that they might work with Red Scare again.

In the past, The Methadones have run into a bit of trouble with labels, which is part of the reason why they want to release their albums themselves, because that would not only ensure them getting paid and given the proper credit for their work, but they have total control over their band.
“Red Scare’s done a good job with us, but some labels will put a CD out and that’s all they do is put the CD out and don’t promote it or anything, and they still take 40 to 50 percent of the profit for printing up a CD, which anyone can do,” Byrne explained.

Say you have $2,000. You can print any CDs you want and the labels will still take 50 percent out of it for doing nothing.
“It’s kind of ass backwards sometimes, so it’ll be nice having full control of the record. Also, if it goes out of print, we can work with another label down the line, but it’s kind of nice having full control for once,” Byrne admitted.
Currently, The Methadones are having some issues with Thick Records, who released “Career Objective” and “Not Economically Viable.”
“We’ve never been paid by (Thick Records) at all for anything. Right now, we’re in a bickering battle trying to get our rights back to those CDs ‘cause we’re going to Europe in the fall, and we probably won’t have enough time to re-release them by then, but when we get back, we want to re-release the CDs with bonus tracks and things like that.”

Five hundred copies of “Career Objective” were just re-released on vinyl via Underground Communiqué Records. Two hundred were pressed on blue vinyl and 300 were pressed on gold vinyl.
“They came out looking really, really nice. (UC Records) is doing ‘Not Economically Viable’ too,” Byrne said.

As for the new split with The Copyrights, the whole album is really short, with 12 songs spanning 25 minutes. They are The Methadones’ shortest songs, save for a few here and there on various albums of theirs.
“Three of them are more straight-up pop kind of songs and three have more of a darker sound,” Byrne explained. “We have one that’s really, really pop-sounding on there. First, we weren’t sure about the song, and then we went to the studio and started messing with it and it came out really good.”

Schafer and Byrne are both huge fans of pop and power pop music, and Byrne anticipates the next full-length will be headed more in that direction of the band’s influences, much like The Methadones’ cover album, putting its unique pop punk twists on power pop songs of the ‘70s and ‘80s.
With bassist Pete Mittler back from his humerus injury, The Methadones are back in full swing.

The band will be traveling to Europe from Sept. 10-30. When they get back, they will be playing Chicago’s annual Riot Fest as well as The Fest in Gainesville, Fla. With all this traveling ahead of them, Byrne said the band will not work on any new material until November or December.
“Probably spring, we’ll be ready to record again. In the wintertime, it sucks to tour, so we try to do all the touring in the summer, fall and spring,” Byrne said. “So we should have enough songs by spring to start recording again.”

The new split has no name, but Mike Byrne cranked out a few ideas.
“I wanted to call it, “Toby or not Toby,” ‘cause Toby runs Red Scare, to kind of poke fun at him. That’s what I wanted to call it,” Byrne said. “But we had to call it the split then.”
Instead of one band doing every other song, the split is organized in two blocks. The first six tracks are Methadones songs and the second six are Copyrights tunes. All are new songs with no covers.
Check out The Methadones at www.myspace.com/themethadones and The Copyrights at www.myspace.com/thecopyrights.

MEATHEADS!!!!! by Mike Byrne

Here, we have examples of both a male and a female Meathead. Note the quadruple popped collars and hairdo.

By Mike Byrne
Poet Laureate Extraordinaire

This is my first column I have written and I thought I would discuss a topic that seems to fly under the radar, but is around each and every one of us every day of our lives.
Meatheads.
What is a Meathead? Well, the easy answer to that would be to call them Jocks or Sportos, but they are more than just a jock. I have friends who have played sports and some friends who are really into sports, but that does not qualify them as a Meathead, although it could qualify them to be douche bags, snapperheads and dingleberries, but I will save that for a future column.

A Meathead is someone who loves to watch sports, is overly aggressive to friends and enemies, loves to hi-five, is really into Golden Tee and Baggo and is usually found in places that end with the words "Bar and Grill." The odd thing about Meatheads is that for the most part, they are friendly.
When someone who doesn't like you walks up and hits you in the arm or pushes you around, you would call that a sign of aggression. But for a Meathead, those are traits that he really likes you. Here are some mating calls and language translations for Meatheads:

-Hi-Five: A handshake, "how are you doing" or your favorite team just scored. Maybe he just scored with female Meathead.
-"NICE!!!!!": Something good just happened or they agree with what you just said.
-Chest bump: Means they just accomplished something and are proud of it, but most of the time, the thing they just accomplished could have been done by a 5-year-old.
-The phrase, "That's what I'm talking about": Means that you both have come to the fact that you just agree with what the other person just said.
-The phrase, "I would hit that": Means he wants to have sex with a certain female that he has no chance of ever having sex with or even having a conversation that would last over two minutes with.
-"Nerds": the Meatheads' mortal enemies.

If you were to go into a bar on the North side of Chicago, the best chances of running into Meatheads would be along Clark Street. They usually travel in packs of five or more, and as homophobic as most meatheads are, they seem to have a lot of male love tendencies.
They love hugging and putting their arms around each other. When you walk into a bar with Meatheads, the best spots to find them are near a Golden Tee machine or a plasma TV showing a sporting event. It would be in your best interest not to walk up and hang out with them because they are unpredictable, and if you are not wearing cargo shorts and a college sweatshirt in the summertime, you could be spotted and get a hi-five across your face, which was intended for a friend of theirs that they nicknamed, "Beast Whore."

There are female Meatheads, and the best way to spot one is they usually are shaped like a bowling pin. They have huge asses that they try to cover with a college sweater thinking they can fool some guy into thinking that they might look kinda good.
The Meatheads are a dying breed these days because the 1980s are over and the nerds won the Jock vs. Nerd wars of the '80s.
It was a violent war with many swirlys given to nerds in men's rooms across the country. Underwear was torn off of nerds in locker rooms in junior high schools and high schools all through the '80s. You can spot a true nerd by seeing the red marks on their bodies from towels being cracked on the bare skin in a walk-by towel snapping. For more into on the great Jock vs. Nerd war of the '80s, I recommend renting "Up the Creek," "Revenge of the Nerds," "3 o'clock High," "Just One of the Guys" and "Karate Kid."
With the takeover of the Internet, it would seem the nerds got the last laugh. But go into any sports bar on any given night, and the Meatheads are planning a hostile takeover soon.
Even though the world is basically controlled by computers that nerds run every day at their jobs, the computer can be taken down by viruses.
Nerds can be taken down by the violent stampede of Meatheads.
As long as they have cold beer and half price appetizers, the Meatheads can fuel their violence in a way that cannot be controlled.

I am going to stand on the sidelines and see how this all plays out. Some people are playing both sides by buying "Deep Space Nine" and "Dr. Who" shirts and others are stocking up on "Bears" and "University of Oklahoma" sweatshirts.
Deep down, I think the Meatheads have already won.

Mike can be reached at MySpace.com/mustlovewings

Smoking Popes - "Stay Down"

On June 7, the Smoking Popes played a record release show at Chicago's Metro for its new album, "Stay Down."
It's been 11 years since the Smoking Popes recorded anything new in the studio. Eleven years. When I compare Josh Caterer's voice from "Destination Failure" to "Stay Down," it's like I'm going through a time warp. It's really, really hard to imagine 11 years passing between the albums. Put over a decade past any other band and the change in voice and sound would be drastic. Sure, the Popes have mellowed out a bit since the early '90s material, but some would argue that they've always been pretty mellow to begin with.

"Stay Down" opens with a song about a girl named Jane from Janesville, WI. She wants to escape the town, but will never be able to because her name, permanent, will always remind her of it. I thought it was pretty silly, but in a sad way. I ended up feeling bad for Jane.
"No matter how many ways you try to kiss this place goodbye/It lives in you till the day you die, say the words with a tear in your eye/Welcome to Janesville."
The next track, "If You Don't Care," is among the best couple on the album. Josh and his brothers jump right back into that familiar "Smoking Popes mindset" of love and all its uncertainties backed by beautiful, yet catchy, instrumentals.
"Employing a few choice words/We flutter like captive birds, finally free but still afraid to fly."
Josh's analogy of humans to birds is nice, but when you think about a couple of baby birds afraid to take flight, and remember he's talking about himself and a girl afraid to take off into the unknown vortex that is love, something hits like an ice pick to the chest.
It's one of those passages where you sit back and say, "Yeah! Yeah, I know exactly how that feels! That's a tough fuckin' choice and a thin fuckin' line to make a decision on!" Some musicians seem have a great way of exploiting that feeling. Josh Caterer is among them.

Have you ever tried to play a 45rpm record set on 33? I get that feeling when "Stefanie" starts up. It's a great song, but it drags out. However, the great part about this song is that it serves as an early break in the album. Instead of getting a bunch of momentum and halting it halfway through, the slow and steady "Stefanie" is placed after tracks one and two, building anticipation for the remainder of the album.

At first, I thought "Little Jane-Marie" was a song about a girl, and it is. But I thought it was about the relationship kind of girl.
Little Jane-Marie is a heartfelt song about what I can only assume is his daughter. It really takes you back to about first grade when Josh paints a picture of cotton ball clouds and Styrofoam planets with his voice.
"Oh, I'm alive again whenever I hold you in my arms/Oh, I'm a child again just like you are, my sweet little Jane-Marie."
You know, as rarely as I let the word "cute" out from it's cage, I'm going to here.

"Grab Your Heart and Run" is hands down the best track. It is really, really catchy, fun and reminiscent of the Smoking Popes' older material. What makes it the best track is going through that time warp, though. It could have been written and recorded years ago. Just like a fine wine, aging slowly, not caring about time's wrinkling effect as it develops into the perfect product possible.
I wouldn't have known the difference.
It's a song about being so determined to take a girl's heart for one's own. It's almost like robbery, but in a good way. It reminds me of postive graffiti. Do you erase graffiti that says "Unity" between rival territory, or do you leave it? It's a dilemma. Here, is stealing one's heart wrong? Too controlling on the thief's behalf? Maybe, but definitely in a justifiable way.
It has good feeling behind it. It's stable, determined, positive and definite. He knows what he wants and he's going to get it. It doesn't seem as if any bad can come of his snatch-and-run plan.

Following "Grab Your Heart and Run" is "It's Never Too Late (For Love)," where the album slows back down a bit. It's a hopeful song for the loveless and the doubters of the overpowering emotion. He sings about how all the nights spent alone with the rain are not nights spent in vain. He sings about how love is in front of all of us all the time. He basically says, all you have to do is open your eyes to see it. It's a great song, even if it sounds a little too idealistic for the still-pessimistic-but-still-want-to-be romantics.
"Somewhere waiting only for you is the one you've been dreaming of/Deep down you have got to believe that its never too late for love."
It's all building towards something in a sense, and he urges us to keep that spark of potential true love alive within us and to not give up on it. Sixteen years old or 90, male or female, this song's message applies to everyone.

The final thing way worthy of mention is the revamping of "First Time." The album closes with an acoustic version of the song, which was originally placed in the middle of the band's "1991-1998" album.
It's a sincere, painful yet positively heartfelt closing tune to "Stay Down."
It's words are raw, real and so gut-wrenchingly easy to empathize with for those who have loved and lost, it kind of hurts the chest cavity to think about.
"It's just the thought of another arm around her shoulder where my arm used to rest so comfortably/She'll probably never be again as happy as I made her then/But then I'll never really know for sure, will I?"
At first, it's like, "Poor Josh. That really sucks." But then you apply it to your past or present life and your heart skips a beat.
And then it's like, "Shit. This could happen to me."
Even so, the album doesn't lose it's tone of positivity, overcoming and pulling through. Instead of being 100 percent down, he stands up to his emotions (or even demons) and he acknowledges them by saying, "There's nothing like the first time, you fall in love so strong/At least this is the last time I will ever say so long to my first time."
If I was a hotshot magazine with a militant and definitive star-rating system, this album would capture them all. No buts about it. The lyrics are incredible and heartfelt. The music is strongly and passionately played.
The Smoking Popes have really made a triumphant comeback with "Stay Down." I cannot muster up and spit shine enough positive adjectives to describe how truly great this album is.

Shot Baker 'Takes Control' on new album

In July of 1946, shot Baker was a shallow-water nuclear test conducted by the United States Navy to determine the effects of atomic detonations on ships. The test sunk eight ships. And because shot Baker kicked so much ass, the deep water test was canceled. Little did anyone know, the Baker blast would be reincarnated in the 21st century and its energy distributed among four musicians hailing from Chicago, who would keep the name and the effect alive.
Shot Baker was born from the ashes of lead singer, Tony Kovacs’s former band, The Poonanies and drummer, Chris Gach’s former band, The Dorks.
“Chris was the main promotion guy in his band and I was the main promotion guy in my band,” Kovacs said. “When our respective bands broke up, Chris and I decided to get together and start a band and the goal was to be a real working band, not to completely half-ass it and try to take the music thing as far as we could.”
Since then, Shot Baker has released an EP titled “Time To Panic” and two full-lengths. The most recent of which, “Take Control,” was just released on Tuesday, June 24.
“It’s a lot like everything else we’ve put out in a sense that it’s a lot of harder-type punk rock with kind of a mix between faster songs and mid-tempo type songs,” Kovacs said. “I’m pretty happy as far as lyrics, because that’s what I do. And not to sound totally boring, but it’s a lot of the same stuff, I mean it’s a similar style. We don’t experiment that much. We know what we like and go with it.”
Gach thinks the lyrics in the album are a lot more personal than in “Awake” and “Time To Panic.”
While the new music has stayed true to its roots, “Take Control” shows growth for the individual musicians as well as their interaction with each other.
We went to the studio to record “Awake” and Tony didn’t have final lyrics for some of the songs and so we were doing backups and not even knowing the lyrics for the songs, Gach said.
But for “Take Control,” Shot Baker has a few years worth of shows under its tough, worn belt and the band members have gotten to know each other a lot better.
They figured out the hard way that they can be stuck in a van for 32 hours together and not want to kill each other. They drove from Phoenix to Chicago in one drive, taking shifts. Right outside of St. Louis, their van broke down, a mere six hours from Chicago.
“We were on the road for 24 hours straight and then the van breaks down. With all the touring so far, we’ve all gotten along really well, which is a really good thing,” Gach said.
Just as they fit nicely together outside and on the road, they work well with each other inside the studio.
“We’ve really become a lot more comfortable with each other as far as writing goes and we have a better idea of what works and what doesn’t. We bounce off of each other better than in the past and I think it shows in the music,” Kovacs said. “Well, hopefully it does.”
But when making “Take Control,” the band focused on quality and not just getting the record out. When they had enough material and were ready, they went in and recorded it.
The themes in the songs off "Awake" and "Time To Panic" range from confusion, anger and frustration to sincerely introspective lyrics concerning life and even love.
“The album title is kind of the general undertone of the whole album,” Gach said. “That’s my take. If you listen to every song, it’s more about live in the now. Take control. Do what you want to do and don’t just settle and let shit fly by (because) when you look back, shit’s gone.”
“Awake” was a bit more scattered and some of the songs weren’t so personal, he said.
“Take Control” features 11 songs, short and sweet.
Shot Baker has a philosophy based on that “short and sweet” feel. It applies to their albums and live shows.
It’s definitely better to see to a band for about 30 minutes or less and find yourself wanting more than to sit through them for longer than you’d like and never want to see or hear them again, Gach explained.
“We figure that less is more in a sense,” he said.
Shot Baker is signed to Riot Fest Records, an up and coming Chicago label. “Take Control” will be the label’s second release. “What Poor Gods We Do Make: The Story and Music Behind Naked Raygun” was its first.
They like the fact that their band is the only one signed thus far because Riot Fest puts all its effort into them and what they want to do.
“Us and Riot Fest, we’ve actually grown to have a really strong personal work relationship with them,” Gach said. “It’s not just business. They really believe in what we’re doing. They believe in us and we believe in their label as well, so it’s on a really cool level like that.”
The “Take Control” record release show will be held at 9 p.m. on Saturday, July 26 at the Beat Kitchen (2100 W. Belmont) in Chicago. Admission will be $8 and the show is 17+. This will be the last show on a string of tour dates and will act as a sort of “homecoming” for the band.
“Normally at the end of a tour, you’re like a machine, so we wanted to be as good as we possibly can,” Kovacs said.
Shot Baker will kick off its tour Monday.
Check them out at here and be sure to catch them live if they pull through your neck of the woods.

June 19, 2008: Chinese Telephones, Potential Johns, Birthday Suits at SubT

It's been a while since I've gone to a show on a Thursday night. But I'm glad I went, it really broke up the week and tricked my mind into a sort of early weekend mindset. Then I remembered that I work all fucking weekend.
Anyways, my first time at the Subterranean in Chicago was a good one. I went to see the Chinese Telephones and to check out the Potential Johns (who the Telephones did a split 12'' with) and Birthday Suits, who I've only heard of.
The Chinese Telephones were great. They played a decent set with a good amount of songs from their self-titled album as well as off their 7 inches. They played "I Can't Be Right," "Back To You Again," "It's Starting Again," and many more.
Their bassist, Andy Junk, was either very energetic or very drunk. The band has an interesting stage presence. Justin Telephone, the band's lead singer, takes a pretty serious approach to the stage, but it's nicely balanced by Andy as well as guitarist, Daniel James, who reminds me of someone just plain goofy. Not to make any jabs at all, but in a world where pretty much everyone in punk rock does the same sort of thing with the chucks, tight pants, short hair, etc etc, Daniel James is reverse that. He looks a bit older than the rest of the guys with his receding hairline and strikes me as a joker. The guy knows how to play though. He is not only fun to watch, but adds a catchy and energetic kick to the music via his guitar playing (does VIA strike you as a yuppie trendy word?).
More or less, at a glance, the Chinese Telephones appear to be a conglomerate of all sorts of different tastes, and their music kinda reflects that. I can't exactly say, "Oh yeah, the Chinese Telephones sound like (insert catchy pop punk band here)." I know this much, though: They're damn good. And every time I see them, it's a great show.
Next in line were the Potential Johns from Denton, TX. They were interesting. The vocals are reminiscent of very early punk, distorted, hard to make out and fast. I almost want to say garage-style, but without the indie and grunge implication attached. They sound like someone...ah, it'll come to me.
The lead singer of the Potential Johns played the last couple of songs with the Telephones because for some reason, Andy left the stage. He was taking pictures of his band, shirtless, with the lead singer/guitarist of the Potential Johns. Maybe he was too drunk to play? Maybe the band needed more pictures? Maybe both? Maybe neither. I will never know, and in the last 10 seconds, stopped caring.
Anyway, I learned the Potential Johns are more or less of a side project of The Marked Men, also from Denton, TX. I looked 'em up and they sound the same to me. It's my first time hearing both bands, so I'll have to listen to more of each to note the distinctions, but for the sake of somewhat of a review here, I'm just gonna make a note of that. Oh! You know what they sound like? The Kinks on speed and maybe a little bit of Toys That Kill. Yeah. That's what I'm gonna leave it at. Very good, by the way. I ended up getting their split with the Fones. I'm excited to become a little more familiar with their music.
Last up of the three bands was Birthday Suits from Minneapolis, MN. They weren't like anything I'd seen before. Actually, that's not true. They were a two-piece and it immediately reminded me of Local H. However, they don't sound quite like Local H. Birthday Suits' drummer is really into drumming. Like, a lot. The guy seriously went ape shit on his skins. The vocalist/guitarist was crazy in his own way in that he would jump around, lay down and play, etc...etc...
His vocals were high-pitched and fast, along with the drumming, making for a pretty entertaining show. I can't say I got into their music, but watching them perform was very entertaining. I was surprised there wasn't much of an audience even by the end of the show. All of about 30 people showed up and were more or less lounging around, nothing too crazy. Don't get me wrong, it was nice! It was great being able to stand up in the middle of the place and enjoy a beer without sweating my balls off or having it knocked out of my hand. I like being able to focus on the music and not on who's going to kick me in the back of the head next.
I can't really compare Birthday Suits to any bands in particular for ya's. The two of them are so intense and quick with their instruments and all-around so sporadic, that it's really difficult to place them anywhere. The best I can do is say they are like one of those indie bands that just bangs on shit real fast and randomly and yells into the microphone in an off-beat way. I didn't hear a lot of what he was saying, but that's something all three bands had in common last night. All the vocalists have a way of making it so you have to look up the lyrics somewhere to translate the mass of sound and what you think they say into factual lyrics.
It was a good night, with the $8 well-spent. The beer was a hell of a lot more than that all together, but that was good too. I haven't seen a place that carries Dead Guy Ale on tap in all my 11 months of going to bars, but drinking that is always a treat.
Before the show, something cool happened. A semi truck was driving under a bridge outside of the Subterranean, and the truck was a few inches too tall, made a horrible thundering noise as it passed under the bridge, and a big, flat chunk of truck roof fell into the street with an assortment of twisted metal bars from either side. The truck did not stop to assess the damage, as it landed on the front corner of someone's car.
It somehow fit the persona of the show I was about to witness. A loud, fast mass of stuff going at a steady speed, tearing shit up and not turning around or even stopping to see what it had done. That's kind of how the bands played. Thumbs up.

Never trust your pit bull to babysit your child

Every so often, there's a story in the news that catches your eye. Never mind the war casualties and all that repetitive nonsense.

But when you see an article about a pit pull sodomizing a two-year-old, you're going to read it. I know I did!
In July, a New York family's pit bull full-on raped their two-year-old boy. Now I know dogs like humping legs, cushions, etc...but never once have I ever had a dog try to stick his schlong in my brown eye. Even after considering the fact that I'm too tall for anything of the sort to even happen, I got to thinking, why and how the hell did this happen to that boy?

Well, the toddler was at home when it happened, and it was the family dog who did the raping. Now, in order for this dog to be able to sodomize the kid, the kid would have to be presumably naked, no? He probably didn't want it THAT BAD that he went ahead and penetrated through the diaper.
And surely, no parent in their right mind would even allow something like this to happen, so I'm going to assume the two-year-old was naked and unsupervised.

"Eggert said the boy’s family members and neighbors had to beat the dog to get it off the boy." This sentence is worded VERY wrong, but in an oh-so-right way, and I'm deeming it the best sentence in the article. Anyway, unless this kid's neighbors were in the house with his shitty, neglectful parents, I'm also going to assume the kid was outside, naked and alone, crawling around near a pit bull, which are known to be not-so-friendly anyway.

Now, the article completely makes it seem like, "Whoops! This is the first case of baby-raping by a DOG that's ever came up! WEIIIRDDDDD!" Yeah!!! You wanna know why!!?? Because other parents watch their fucking toddlers when they're crawling around outside naked and around animals/people!!!
It's pretty bad when the neighbors see YOUR dog raping YOUR baby before you. There's a reason why this is the first incident of the sort reported. Because on a list of responsible parents and irresponsible parents, these ones rank dead last.

But, hey. The dog was also two years old. However, in human years, the dog is 14, making the dog a homosexual, interspecies-curious pedophile. What are they doing letting their dog have sex at such a young age? And outside of it's species and age-group? Come on. (Not literally, though!)

I am placing two accounts of blame on the parents. One, for allowing the dog to sodomize their baby with his weiner, and two, for letting their underage dog go gay with their kid at the tender age of 14.

A dog professional says that the pit bulls are aggressive by nature, but not all of them are like that. He went on to say, "The problem is not with the breed itself...but rather the manner in which the dog is raised. A pit bull raised in a loving atmosphere 'could be a fine dog,' he said."
What the hell kind of people own this dog? I can only come to one conclusion on this case, if I may play CSI for one minute.

The kid was coming onto the dog and pissing it off, possibly trying to rape it himself.


After a history of being dolled up and made to look like a pussy, the pit bull sought revenge on the shitty parents and their shithead child.


After not being able to take it anymore, the pit bull did this. Case closed.

June 7, 2008: Smoking Popes at Metro

A hot and muggy outdoor Chicago night made for a cool indoor show at the Metro on Saturday, June 7, 2008, where the Smoking Popes got together and played its record release gig for "Stay Down" last night. Opening acts were Chris McCaughan's (guitarist/vocalist of the Lawrence Arms) solo project, Sundowner, and Mannequin Men.
Chris is always a treat to see. I never know when it'll be just his words and a guitar, with Jenny Choi or with a full band backing his tunes. Last night, Jenny Choi joined him on cello, keys and vocals. They are truly a great musical duet. Jenny compliments Chris so well and vice versa. Like Sonny and Cher...only good.
After Sundowner was Mannequin Men. They have a really strong indie sound, which I know is broad. But think Interpol's instrumentals crossed with the Goo Goo Dolls' vocalist. Their bastard spawn would be Mannequin Men. I was so hungry and tired of standing by that point, I was considering going across the street to Wrigleyville Dogs, but upon trying to leave, the Metro staff made a point that we can't come back in if we leave. I guess I can't blame them for wanting all the people in attendance to buy their crappy, warm expensive beer. It's just frustrating knowing that at the Gingerman, next door, I can get a tall, cold pint of PBR for $3 and SIT in a cool area with good company, rather than a shitty plastic cup of Miller Lite for $5 at the Metro and have to stand in fear of some big asshole's sweat droplets falling into my cup.
Anyways, after what seemed like forever, the Smoking Popes took the stage. When I say the Smoking Popes, I mean Neil Hennessy from the Lawrence Arms on drums (man, did he rip last night!) with the three Caterer brothers; Eli on guitar/ backing vocals, Josh on guitar/vocals and Matt on bass/jumping around.
They opened with a new song titled, "If You Don't Care," which is a great tune, familiar, thanks to their MySpace profile. Very appropriate, being a record release shindig and all.
Afterwards, they cut into old ones like "Rubella" and "Gotta Know Right Now." After the crowd was reassured by hearing some old gems, the Popes tried out a couple more new ones, "Stay Down"'s opening track, "Welcome To Janesville," and title track, "Stay Down."
Afterwards, they played "Megan" (which apparently, there are a shitload of YouTube videos of people singing and playing that song, to which Josh proposed a contest, prize unknown), "Just Broke Up," "Do Something," and my favorite, "Need You Around." I like the newer ending to "Need You Around," where they jam it out. It can be heard on the 2005 Metro reunion album.
Another new one, "Grab Your Heart and Run" was played next. That song is hands down my favorite off "Stay Down." All of their new tracks are catchy in that traditional pop sense, and Josh's signature croon ties it all together, making one kick ass song. "Stefanie" is really slow, but it serves as a nice break on the new album, placed as the third track, so that when the generally-faster songs pick up, it comes as more of a surprise than just one flowing into the other, which is awesome too. Riverdales, anyone?
They played "Writing a Letter" after that, which is one of my personal favorites for being just an all around fun song. Afterwards, they played "Sweet Pea," which is Neil's favorite track off the new album to play, as they established on stage.
"Let's Hear It For Love" was played, followed by a short acoustic set by Josh, in which he played the newly renovated acoustic version of "The First Time" and an older gem, but more upbeat, "My Lucky Day."
Matt came back out a little too early, eager to grab his bass after Josh finished playing "The First Time," but quickly turned around to join the rest of the band hanging out on the side of stage right.
After the band reclaimed their instruments, they played "Brand New Hairstyle" and Josh played "Pretty Pathetic" with Eli, both playing their electric guitars. Towards the end of the song, the full band backed the guitars and vocals with some support and finished it out nicely. They did that on the Metro album as well.
Their encore consisted of an elongated "I Know You Love Me," "Ramblin' Rose" and "Off My Mind."
Being my first time seeing the Smoking Popes, I was impressed. It was a great hearing the tracks I've loved for a long time now being performed live at the Metro with some present-day, in the now recordings. Unfortunately, I missed the 2005 reunion, so it was nice to catch up three years down the road with the release of a new album.
With 11 years between the Popes' last studio release, "Destination Failure" and "Stay Down," Josh's vocals don't seem to have aged a bit. The element of time is nonexistent between the gap, which, lucky for us fans, is bridged by a handful of live shows and a reunion album. It was a real treat getting to see the Smoking Popes for the first time. Even Neil was saying before the show how stoked he was to be playing with them, because they were a band he grew up listening to. Brandon from Rise Against told me the same thing after the show at Wrigleyville Dogs, how he grew up listening to the Popes, and now he's seeing them as an adult.
It's really nice hearing guys older than me and way more influential and all-around cool admit how the Popes had an influence on them growing up and how important and meaningful it is to see them now. Although I missed out on the Popes' "prime" (which is subject to debate, because this new album is awesome), I think the feeling is mutual. Being able to talk to musicians about something together, both as fans, is intriguing. It showed me that regardless of age difference and fame (or semi-fame), we are all fans of something on the inside, putting us all in the same boat on any given sticky, muggy Chicago summer night.